New Eyewear Alliance

In a COVRT move, it has been reported that the eyewear brands SALT and BLACKFIN have merged in an about Face a Face from what they originally said in January.  The deal was finalized on FEB31ST. In ARTICLE ONE, the new board of directors including  CAROLINE ABRAMS, ROBERT MARC, JONO HENNESSY, CAROLINA HERRERA, LINDA FARROW, KENNETH COLE, DONNA KAREN, TOMMY HILFIGER, KATE SPADE, LULU GUINNESS, TED BAKER, WILLIAM MORRIS, and ANNA-KARIN KARLSSON said this was a merger they had always dreamed to ASPIRE to and that they didn’t want the old companies to become a FOSSIL of what they once were. They are working hard to make sure the brands KLIIK while not making a SPEKTRE of themselves. While they are leaving us all to GUESS the new brand name, they are handing out commemorative CANDIES in the attempt to form a LEISURE SOCIETY of PURE COCO SONG. The new company will reportedly be based in the TIMBERLAND along the COSTA of the COLUMBIA River. The European division is said to be based ETNIA BARCELONA or CAPRI. While the view is spectacular, former Alaska governor, Sara Palin claimed “ OGI, i.c. BERLIN from here”.

A number of competing companies have called the FYSHy merger a PARASITE in the eyewear community and while the VINYL FACTORY was busy trying to keep all of VICTORIA’S SECRETs, many of the employees were off playing POLO, in contradiction to THEO social distancing we should all be practicing MO. It was a STARCK wake-up call and the POLICE were called and the offenders were carted off in a VANNI. Reports stated the new company didn’t want to DILLI DALLI as they set off on this new venture. The new corporate STRUKTUR has yet to be announced, but DITAils are being worked out and they feel they are keeping SUPERDRY from the RAEN. They do promise a PORTRAIT and a CLEARVISION of what BEVEL they plan to work on. For the moment the new business plans were nothing more than just a SILHOUETTE of what’s to come. The new corporate colors are expected to be OGREEN with eyewear made of GOLD & WOOD. The brand is expected to be quite VOGUE and offer a MATCH to any wardrobe.

In a press conference, they attempted to CONVERSE with all of us remotely via video KALA, by using all LOWERCASE in a very ECO-friendly manner. The event was a FUSION of NINE principles being done under a LUNAR eclipse. Appetizers were made of RYE & LYE with MALT drinks. The slide show was quite spectacular and all EYEOS were glued to the front. By the time the press conference was completed, there was a JF REY of sunshine. Some members of the press were able to attend the press conference via old fashioned CB radio’s and replied to each new point by replying ROGER with ZEAL on the selected CHANEL, so as not to oFENDI anyone.

Any questions from the press were shouted out with a HENAU as part of the MODOs operandi, yet it was all done with great RIGARDS for everyone. A new LOGO was floated in a special LAFONT, but nothing is yet GOTTI be finalized. With all the turmoil it only proves there is nothing NEUBAU under the sun.

In other news, it was reported that GENERAL ELECTRIC has purchased GARRETT LEIGHT. In a statement, the company noted that GE had always brought good things to light.





We hope this made you smile just a little. We all need a few more smiles during this time. Our best wishes that you and your families are safe and healthy. 




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